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This is a special episode that was released mid-season 5 and was recorded live on Facebook. It was recorded to celebrate the commemoration of the Potterotics group reaching 1000 members (which occurred on January 3rd, 2018).

1000 potterotics

The hosts start the episode by celebrating some of the activities that the Potterotics group is doing. The Golden Stitch are doing a Valentine's Day gift exchange. Danny apologizes to whomever he ends up getting since his gift may not be as elaborate as other people's. The Plug Club's current book, The Life and Times by Jewels5 is discussed by the hosts and Danny admits he's finally started reading fanfic on his own. Allie also shares some stats about how impressively high the group engagement is (98% active over the previous week) and how incredible that is.

This quickie story is entitled "In Front of the Books?" and was written specifically for the Potterotics Podcast by "K" and featured The -Ughorns as one of the main characters. In this case, the story uses the slight variant to the joke that there is not in fact one Slughorn, but that there is actually a family of Slughorns that can all transfigure into various things/furniture, even implying an "evil Plughorn".

This story is not posted on any of the fanfic sites on the interwebs, but she has kindly agreed to offer it for download here.

Episode Summary[]

An unexpected, but sexy, family reunion in the Hogwarts Library.

Relationship(s)[]

Other Characters[]

  • Plughorn (the podcast hypothesized "evil" brother of Slughorn)

Notable Moments[]

  • Fitting with the theme of the story, the hosts brought horns and honk them frequently during the episode.
  • The Potterotics are the chlamydia of Facebook since it's spreading so fast.
  • Allie explanabrags about her past experience in running Facebook groups
  • Potterotics secret to engagement success:
    • Step 1: Have erotic, ridiculous 90s themed content
    • Step 2: Wizards
    • No need for step 3 because the room has emptied out by this point.
  • Title invokes jokes about "vaginers" and "undapants" delivered in...a confused Southerner voice, perhaps?
    • Allie admits the voice was an alteration of a "Harry Carrey" (Caray?) voice that never really worked, but she's doubling down on it. Just like Lyndsay is doubling down on the "New Year, eww me" joke.
  • Coins in the couch cushion is actually you cleaning out his wallet.
  • Ooooing and gasping Lyndsay
  • Hosts wonder whether he ever accidentally chooses the wrong piece of furniture and sticks out like a sore thumb.
  • Horace has some good pick-up lines
  • The black cloth reference in the story. Hosts hypothesize that this is the original black cloth that was shared among the Hogwarts inhabitants
  • Equal Nipple Play reference in the story. "Equal nipples, equal play!" ~ Lyndsay
  • "So is she like a centaur; naked from the waist up and her robes are down? Cool." ~ Lyndsay
  • Slughorn was supposed to be returning the favour, but Pince still seems to be the one doing all the work.
  • "'Preparing her...pussy for him.' Thanks Kalani" ~ Allie
  • Lyndsay suggests "The Wanton Witch" would be a good name for a sex shop (or strip club). Danny proposes a chinese restaurant next door, "The Wonton Witch". Definitely don't want to get those two messed up while taking your family out for a nice dinner.
  • "Are we saying that Horace is making her say 'please' before he will enter her folds?" ~ Lyndsay
  • Implied CONSENT! Emily Post would approve
  • "Is this Younghorn? Hopefully Youngledore doesn't come in and kill the mood." ~ Allie
  • Free moustache ride
    The pleasure of the moustache ride depends on the type of moustache being ridden.
  • "Why is this chair suddenly rock hard?"
  • Gigglefest
  • Danny is concerned that Slughorn's heart may not be able to handle this vigorous of sex.
  • "But my evil twin brother could be this chair we're boning on right now." ~ Lyndsay
  • Hosts start trying to work out the rules of ughornness, much like zerophilia.

All the Ughorns[]

  • Voyeur-horn
  • Plughorny
  • Card cataloghorn
  • Stoolhorn
  • Jealoushorn
  • Bughorn (complete with voice impersonation)
  • "He's about to get a blowhorn" ~ Allie
  • Younghorn
  • R. Kellyhorn

Wands Up or Down?[]

Allie: Up mostly

  • Love the pairing
  • Well written
  • Neutral or Down for Plughorn the evil chair ruining all the action

Lyndsay: Up overall

  • Brother dynamics was a little pervy

Danny: Way Up

  • Not obvious, quite the twist when Slughorn walked in
  • Hot sex
  • Wands down when the brother popped out, but would love to see a sequel

Potterotics Shout Outs[]

  • "K", who authored the story that was read
  • "K", Hannahbeth, Amber, Alex, Alyssa, Emily, Andie, Amber, Victoria, Amy, Nada, Hannah all mentioned as having been watching the live broadcast.
  • Mackenzie's story of dropping her Wango board in the middle of a staff meeting is told.
  • Faith: "He's going to explore her restricted section!"
  • "50 Horns of Hornhorn"
  • Rachel: "'Slughorn's tongue' might become my safeword"
  • Faith: "Give him a tughorn"
  • Alex: "CONSENT!"
  • Amber: Going to Brookstone to get herself a vibrating plughorn
  • Michelle wants to know what is in store for the 2000 member special episode.
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